


(DON'T) PANIC

by flyingthesky



Category: Social Network (2010) RPF
Genre: Alien Invasion, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Gen, Panic Attacks, with Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-14
Updated: 2011-10-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21562684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingthesky/pseuds/flyingthesky
Summary: In a very small New York apartment with the customary high rent and traffic at all hours which was only important to a young man named Jesse Eisenberg and perhaps his landlord, it was eight am on Thursday morning and life on planet Earth was probably going to end soon.
Kudos: 1





	(DON'T) PANIC

In a very small New York apartment with the customary high rent and traffic at all hours which was only important to a young man named Jesse Eisenberg and perhaps his landlord, it was eight am on Thursday morning and life on planet Earth was probably going to end soon. Poor Jesse didn't know that small fact, nor did he really care that the world was going to end because, as far as he was concerned, the world was ending _right then_.

You see, Jesse was having a panic attack.

It was brought on by a great many things, such as the construction going on outside his apartment, the sudden and intense claustrophobia he was feeling, the fact that his best friend was from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse and not from London, as he had originally claimed.

That friend was named Andrew Garfield and he had first come to Earth because he had heard it was quite quaint and also no one there knew anything at all about life outside their planet as they were in the very earliest stages of their development. It was only just yesterday that they decided to come down from the trees, after all, and they were still in the stage where they doubted if that was a very good idea in the first place.

Andrew found this all very interesting and although he did a great deal of research on how best to blend into the Earth culture, there was still something just a bit off about him. Perhaps it was the way his hair seemed to sometimes be made of plastic (it was) or the way his eyes seemed to stare into your very soul (they didn't), but Andrew struck his Earth friends as an overly excitable and extremely cheerful guy who had some small eccentricities (the perceived ability to speak to birds was among them).

The problem, however, was that Andrew was quite stuck on Earth and as interesting as he found it, he really really wished to get off of it. He knew, if the chance presented itself, how to flag down a passing ship and also see the Wonders of the Universe for less than 40 Altairan dollars a day. It was knowledge Andrew had gleaned from his travels researching for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was arguably the most successful book of its kind to be on the universal market. It was on its fourth edition.

Jesse was still having a panic attack.

"I'm sorry," Andrew said, unsure of how to handle this situation, "but really Jesse. I told you that you ought to sit down before I gave you the news."

Jesse continued to have a panic attack.

"Really, Jesse, we have to go. The Vogons will be here very soon."

It appeared that Jesse's panic attack would not be subsiding at any point in the near future. Andrew sighed.

"All right, I'll leave you to your strange Earth habit. I'm going to go grab you a towel, because the Vogons are coming and Earth will very soon be demolished."

Leaving Jesse to his panic attack (not a wise choice, but the Hitchhiker's Guide had nothing to say about Earth panic attacks and therefore Andrew was quite unequipped to handle them), Andrew went to collect a towel for Jesse because it was, to be quite honest, the single most useful thing that a hitchhiker could have about him. Jesse's towel was blue-and-white-striped, 7$ from the local department store, and Andrew shoved it into a convenient rucksack which happened to be laying about Jesse's apartment. He then returned to Jesse and set the rucksack in front of him. Jesse appeared to have calmed down a little, and Andrew grasped his shoulder.

"I know you're only from Earth and you've never even been to the next planet over, but you have to trust me, Jesse. Do you trust me?"

The overwhelming concern (and also slight psychic coercion) coming from Andrew made Jesse nod slightly. He was still panicking (his best friend! an alien!), but there was a sense of certainty about Andrew that made Jesse feel a little more calm. Andrew handed him the rucksack, and Jesse absently took it as Andrew stood.

"Right then," he said, "we've got a spacecraft to flag down."


End file.
